:: Momentary Flash of Genius ::
What's in this section?
These are little grains of genius that strike at unexpected moments. Keep in mind that what I consider "genius" may not be quite up to snuff with what *you* consider genius!
All You Need Is Love
Thursday, September 09, 2010
How many songs and poems have said that same thing tritely over and over? But the beauty of these words is believing the full meaning.
Since my last post, a couple of you have mentioned to me on and offline that it made you feel really sad for me. I know what you mean--while it was a great discovery and great thing to remember of oneself, there was a tinge of being lost.
Well I am writing because I AM finding myself, finding my voice, and finding my love for life.
One of the biggest reasons (I believe) that this heaviness has prevailed is that I am a perfectionist. Yes, this is no surprise to those who know me! Part of that need for perfection is that you’re always fighting a losing battle. There is a constant need for improvements and you will always find something else that needs fixing or adjusting. For the past three years, I have been introspecting and self-examining and finding as much as I could to fix about myself. Even my “Journey of Self-Discovery” seemed to be more of an opening of Pandora’s box to the plethora of issues, both minor and major, that could use a tweek or two.
All that striving is exhausting. And it’s never ending. I’m not saying that we should never look to improve ourselves, but before any of that should be attempted, one needs to understand and believe that the first and most basic thing you need is love. It’s not love from someone else (though that’s nice and feels good)--no, this love is not external. YOU *MUST* LOVE YOURSELF.
That means unconditionally loving yourself and all your faults and quirks. Accepting yourself even if you sometimes get mad about silly things, cry too much, or need to win every argument you even walked past. You need to look at yourself in the mirror and see a lovable and loving person, despite your hangups and things that need to be fixed. You are, after all, a child of an amazing and wonderful God.
I have to admit that even though this love must come from within, I was shown how by two wonderful people in my life. My mom has shown me over and over how wonderful and accepting she is of me, never disappointed with how my life has gone, and always cheering me on from the stands. Even when I think I’ve failed, she tells me that I have not failed, but am on the road to achieving my goals.
The other person is Dennis. He has seen me struggle with my internal self-inquisition and told me repeatedly, “I wish you could accept yourself as you are.” The other night, I was telling him again that, “This personality that you’re looking at right now is not me! I’m going to get back to my old personality!” I sounded like someone who has gained a lot of weight but refuses to throw out my old clothes (for the time when I fit them again) and refuses to buy new ones (because that would show that I’m comfortable at the current weight). He looked at me and said, “You should accept your personality as it is. This is you--even with all the wounds and scars. This is the personality that I fell in love with.” I was so touched I cried in public!
So these two special people have shown me through their love how to love myself. And as I love myself more, it becomes easier to love those around me. I have felt more like myself in the past 3 days than I have all last year! All I needed was to understand that love is always the answer.
The Corporate Robot
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
For whatever reason, today I decided to re-read my own blog from the beginning. Wow - what lessons for life I learned!
It’s funny to hear your (slightly) younger self talking and carrying on about the woes and wonders of the world around. Of course it was very nostalgic, and I miss the witty digital reparte in which my commenters partook. It was its own little community, hatched on pages of random musings and silly pictures.
I found myself hearing my own voice again for the first time. I sounded unfamiliar because I was so excited and interested in things happening around me! I was *looking* for interesting and extraordinary things. I thought things and situations were funny/beautiful/tragic/awe-inspiring and loved sharing them! Granted, this zest and “zeal” for life (Crichert, that’s for you!) could be because of my age (25 instead of 32) and the fact that I was living in NYC, which is undoubtedly an interesting city.
Still, there was something so optimistic and excited about the way I used to think and write. So what happened between now and then? I pondered and pondered and then it came to me. Back then I didn’t work - I went to school. I spent every moment of my day just being me because I didn’t have to be anyone else. Now I work for a big company and work in an environment that typifies corporate culture. When I first started, I was 27 and everyone thought I had just graduated from undergrad. No doctor wanted to be taught by someone who looked 21! I had to do something to make people take me seriously!
I dressed older (and by that I mean frumpier). I started wearing more makeup. I referenced movies and music from before my era. I started talking in more corporate tones with less emotion and less slang. Basically I’d do anything to make people believe I was older than they thought. Mind you, no one *made* me do this or even mentioned that I should. It was definitely my choice. However, after 4.5 years of working in that environment, I have more practice “sounding corporate” than I have at sounding like myself. 8 hours a day of acting and talking like a corporate robot is enough to make you forget what your “normal” voice sounds like. And once you forget your normal voice, you start to believe that you ARE the robot personae that you put on just for work.
Some part of me now believes that I am a little stuffy, that my primary skill is working with spreadsheets and Word documents, that maybe I’m not as gregarious as I once thought I was, that life really isn’t that interesting and must just be endured until the next time I can get a vacation. But none of that is true. It’s me beginning to believe the lie that I myself put in place. I don’t want to believe any of it any more.
So here I am, rediscovering how fun/funny I used to be and realizing that I still AM fun and funny! (and yes, I AM tooting my own horn, thank you very much!) It’s time to make a new choice to again find the interest in life and to capture the best parts of who I used to be. I have learned a lot over the past couple years, and so now I would like to blend the best of both of my experiences into a new and whole person--neither fully young and silly nor corporate and stodgy--but rather a mature person who embraces life and enjoys being herself in any situation and knows that being honest and appropriate will always be the winning combination in work and life.
This year-long jouney of rediscovery has so far been a truly interesting adventure!
Preparation H: How we barely know thee
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Perhaps I’m a bit behind the times, but I only recently heard about how Preparation H can be used for things other than swollen hemorrhoidal tissue!
I found out when my co-worker told me (and I’m not sure *how* this came up in conversation), “Preparation H can be used to reduce the bags under your eyes!” I was amazed! I mean, it makes sense. It stands to reason that other places on ones body can have engorged and inflamed tissues (and yes, I am using the word “engorged” just to gross you out!). It therefore also stand to reason that a cream meant to reduce swelling in one area might also work in another area.
I got curious and looked this up. Preparation H has phenylephrine HCL in it, which constricts blood vessels and reduces swelling. In the US, apparently, the didn’t like the idea of people using it in non-hemorrhoidal ways, so the reportedly reformulated it so it only works on your bum. I’m not even sure how they would target just butt tissue, but oh well. I guess I’ll believe them. But the Canadians seem to be OK with the unsanctioned use of the cream and have left the formula untouched and unchanged (OH Canada! eh!).
SO if you’re able to get ahold of some of this magical stuff you can use it for some of the following purposes:
1. Reduce appearance of bags under eyes.
2. Reduce facial wrinkles and lines.
3. Increase definition of muscles by dehydrating the skin, thus making it pull taut over muscles and creating the appearance of more definition. Often used by dancers and body builders.
4. Decrease the appearance of loose skin and cellulite.
5. Reduce bleeding and promote healing for new tattoos.
DISCLAIMER: I have never tried any of these things! I don’t have a tube of the US produced stuff, much less the Canadian version! However, the official Canadian Prep H site seems to stand behind at least a couple of the things listed above. Check out the official site’s beauty tips here and you can come to your own conclusions!
By the way, has anyone ever tried this before?
Winter Fashion Exchange 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
When the economy is tough and you want some new clothes host a Fashion Exchange!
Yesterday a group of 9 women met for an unprecedented exchange of clothing. A parallel group of men (some attached to the women that came) met up for a day of physical activity and skull smashing. After a large brunch of prosage (that’s right! Worthington Foods baby!), home fries, eggs, and chocolate chip waffles with fresh berries and cream, the men headed out to the park to play football and the women began to unpack their wares.
At first it was polite and slow-paced. People were laying out the clothes they had brought. Some showed off their clothing and brought them to specific people on whom they would look best. And then suddenly there was a shift in the mood and the searching became a bit more intense and a little more chaotic. We all gave up trying to organize our piles and just resorted to turning over piles and piles of other people’s clothes. We were running in and out of rooms looking at ourselves in the mirror, asking each others’ opinions, and eventually gave up and ran around in our underwear. At one point, someone picked up a t-shirt, only to hear someone say, “No wait! That’s the shirt I CAME here in!”
I have never felt so much like a girl in my life. I have spent mos of my life as a tomboy, and there are still things that make me cringe, like choosing a mass chaotic exchange of clothing over being in the park running around throwing a football. Oh well. I’d better get over it because I got some AWESOME CLOTHES! In fact, as I sit here in my cube writing this, I’m wearing a completely new outfit comprised of a dress shirt and slacks from one person and a new laptop bag from another person.
Even after more than an hour and a half, we were going over the piles and STILL found stuff that we hadn’t seen before! The clothing exchange took about as long as a complete football game. The men came back right as we had finished. Even the boys picked up some stuff! There were somehow men’s shirts in the mix and a pair of snowboarding gloves. Kids got things too. Gavin went home with an Elmo t-shirt and Zoey and Sophie got a bag of cute t-shirts and a purse.
And the best part is that the rest of the clothes went as donations to Salvation Army and PATH (People Assisting the Homeless). Fashion, food and helping others all in one day! Not bad. So if you’re bored of the clothes in your closet and want to fill those gaps in your wardrobe, host a Fashion Exchange. Seriously, it’s way more fun than you’d expect.
ROCK THE VOTE!
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Be part of history and go vote!
Did you do it yet? Did you vote? Man, I dragged my butt out of bed at 6:30 am to make it to the polls before work. THAT was painful. No one can say that I never sacrificed for my country. I got there at 7:00 am and there was already a line out the door. Lucky (for me) some people were in the wrong location, so the line shrank a bit. Sucked to be them.
Really though it only took me 45 minutes to get through line and vote. I felt so...so...CIVIC! Like a good citizen! It’s a totally new feeling for me.
I hope you’ve gone or are in line or are going some time today. DO IT! The time is now! GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!
Go Barack! You can DO IT!
(...and now to take lots of beta-blockers to stem the nervousness in my stomach!)
Monday, October 20, 2008
I think this is the first time in my life it’s been worth it to get political!
I’m registered to vote, and I’m actually gonna head over to the polling places instead of doing a lazy absentee ballot cuz who KNOWS what kind of shenanigans they’ll try to pull this year!
It’s the last day to register. Have you registered yet? Gonna vote? Huh? huh? huH? I feel slightly like a rabid squirrel with all this frenetic energy around the election. Someone is even going around the office today asking people if they’re registered. He’s got a ton of registration slips with him too. Go dood! Way to get people involved!
Did you all see this weekend’s Saturday Night Live? I have to admit that I haven’t seen SNL in YEARS. But they’re really milking this campaign for everything it’s worth. Amy Polar did a great job taking over for Palin in this rap she did for weekend update. You HAVE to check it out!
In the meantime, Go Rock the Vote!