:: The Rants ::

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Ever just wanted to vent? Well here's were *I* get to do it.

CONFIRMATION: My new promotion *IS* killing me!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Well, it’s not completely the job’s fault, but I was definitely down for the count for 5 days.

I feel like such a weakling, but I guess lots of stress can lower your immune system. Whatever the reason, last Wednesday night I was having dinner at a friends place and was feeling perfectly fine. At the end of the night, I felt achy and developed a headache. In about an hour I had a high fever and was sweating and having chills all at the same time.

I pretty much spent the next 3 days in that condition, with the same headache refusing to go away. It kept me awake at night. During those night hours, random weird things would go through my head, for example, the name of my friend Duane’s favorite band, Automatic Music Explosion. It just kept repeating on loop with no respite. I seriously thought I was going crazy. The other night I got some strange combination of Project Runway, Harry Potter and The Redskins victory song. Totally bizarre.

By Saturday morning, it was pretty clear it was not going to get better on its own any time soon. Off to the hospital I went! During my 5 second office visit, I was prescribed some antibiotics and prescription strength Motrin. yay! Afterwards the doc asked, “Is there anything else I can do for you?” Part of me wanted to yell, “YOU’RE THE DOCTOR! YOU TELL ME!” Geez. What did she expect me to say? “Please give me a sampler pack of all your schedule II meds please! Thanks!” Despite the weird interaction with the doctor, I’m thankful I got my meds and got out of there.

I think I quite literally spent 70% of 4 days in bed. Today, I’m back at work, and feeling a little not altogether here. Oh well. At least I’m still a contributing member of society. I contribute my sickness to the office! Enjoy everyone!   

I think my "promotion" is killing me

Thursday, October 02, 2008

A couple weeks ago, I got a promotion, but not in the usual way of things.

No, rather I got it because the person who was leading the design team got very tired of politics and other things and decided to step down. Upon doing so, he said, “good luck--you’re gonna need it.” And by this he meant, “you’re probably going to take this job, and it’s going to be difficult. Get ready.”

So when my bosses approached me about taking the position, I really had to think long and hard about whether or not I’d do it or not. You see, there is no extra pay involved. Just more work. More responsibility. More stress. So I guess it’s not technically a promotion, it’s a “promotion.” (It’s amazing what quote marks can do for the nuance of speech!)

So here I am, 3 weeks in, and I’m about to have a nervous breakdown. Mind you, there are other things in going on, but really it’s been a bit of stress. I’ve had a couple almost-breakdowns, most people have been asking why I looked so frazzled, and why are my eyes so puffy?

On the upside, the promotion has got me on an interesting project where I have a lot of input, so that’s great. I also get a lot of great visibility AND I get to be in the design world again! Yay! I must say, I’ve missed being creative in a visual manner for the past couple of years. So there are good things with the stress, and more responsibility means more experience, so I’m all for it.

All in all, I think it’s a good thing if I can just make it past this hazing period! Gentle reader, if you are the praying sort, PLEASE throw up a prayer for me! 

Spiritual Warfare: Hard Words to Say

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Sometimes a warrior’s words are her only weapons and her only salve.

Respect, love, honesty and tact have always been in a precarious balancing act in my life. This week in particular, that balance has been challenged more than ever. There are things that must be said because they are just and right. But there are words that must not be said because you love and respect that person.

And sometimes I end up saying nothing at all.

It has been a hard two weeks. For two weeks, I have been pummeled in this spiritual warfare that is taking place all around us. I don’t know how feel about that concept, but I believe that there are forces of good and evil battling for our souls. As a Christian and a follower of Jesus, I know where my strength and salvation come from. But I also know about attacks and why they come. And now I’m under attack.

I wish I had the right words to for every type of attack that came my way. The enemy is really clever, and it always shows up in ways you would never quite expect. The only way I can recognize them is that they always point toward the same message: You’re worthless, you’re not a good person, you’re a failure, you might as well give up. Sometimes I don’t even have an answer to these accusations. All I can do is cry.

But I know where my help comes from. He will give me the words and the strength to keep fighting. He will shield me and protect me. He will keep his warrior alive.

Lakers vs. Celtics Game 4 = CHICANERY!

Friday, June 13, 2008

I can’t BELIEVE that Laker’s let go such a huge lead to lose Game 4! Grrrrrrrrr!

This is my chance to use my new favorite word: chicanery. According to Merriam Webster, chicanery is “deception by artful subterfuge or sophistry.” Cool! How often do you get the word subterfuge to describe your actions?

Anyway, I think that there was some trickery involved for the Celtics to magically make up a 24 point lead. I didn’t even get to see most of the game but I did catch the end, right when they were tied at 75. And then they LOST IT.

It was such a heartbreaking moment when they lost. It’s over. Coming back from a 3-game loss is almost unheard of, except ironically in Boston with the Red Sox. It’s like having someone break up with you. Well, not really, but it IS kinda disappointing.

I guess I’ll hang on and still watch the rest of the series, but I’m already bracing myself for the worst.

Blast that chicanery!

Why is vacation always so short?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Really, this makes me believe in the Theory of Relativity.

Ok, well that’s actually a lie, since i’m not sure exactly what the Theory of Relativity *actually* states. But what I’m trying to say is vacation went by WAY too quickly! It was so nice and relaxing and it was so great seeing everyone...I’m so sad it’s all over now. I’m having one last brunch and them I’m heading out on the 4:30 pm flight today.

In vacation mode, I totally forget everything about where I was at work and what I was doing with everything else. I suppose that’s the good thing about being able to live in the moment. On the other hand, unaswered emails, voicemails and facebook messages are piling up. I’m scared to get back to normal life when I actually have to start answering some of those! hahahah (And if you called/texted/emailed during this time period, I’m SO sorry...I’ll get back to you soon!)

Jannine and Nathan have been great as we have hung out and ran about the city all week. Oh, and they housed me. ;) Here’s a shout out for you. YOU GUYS ROCK!

The time has come to leave. Farewell New York! I shall miss you and your inhabitants! 

We Put the “Pro” in Procrastination

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Who knew that this quip would set the tone for the rest of my life?

I have a lot of bad habits, like chewing my fingernails and sitting cross-legged no matter where I am (including restaurants, work, and church pews). Some bad habits, however, were definitely cultivated. I think my time at La Sierra University, and specifically at South Hall, really developed my ability to procrastinate and procrastinate well. In fact, I think it’s set me up to be a procrastinator for life.

At work now, I have to deal with deadlines again. Before, as a trainer, all I really had to do was show, “perform,” and clean up. Now, I have to read, process what I read, develop, and write and then send it out for multiple reviews where it is almost certain that your document will return in a mangled form, barely recognizable as the document you first submitted for review. I had my first hard deadline yesterday. W00t! PROCRASTINATION! My job is to re-write an already existing curriculum, BUT I spent so much time reading the stuff that already existed, that I ran out of time! In the end, I had 3 days to re-write the 100-page document.

I ended up working a little on the weekend and then staying up until 1:30 am the night before it was due. The morning after that was *not* pretty! It even began with a bad omen. I was exiting my parking lot, but it’s difficult to see oncoming cars, so I slowly peeked my car out into the street. There was a car about 6 car-lengths away heading my way and honking and honking. I couldn’t even tell what he was honking at. I rolled back a little in case my car was making him nervous even though he had plenty of room to pass. As he rolled slowly past my car, the old Russian man leaned out of his window screaming angrily at me, “STOOOOOOOOOOOOPEEEEEEEED! STOOOOOOOOOOOOPEEEEEEED!” while his wife looked on in wonder.

Hmmmmmm...not a good beginning for the day.

Despite the rocky start, I hammered out my document and finished by 1 pm. PHEW! YES! I’M DONE!

...and then I had a talk with my manager afterwards where he said, “Congrats! Good work! Now let me give you about 7 more other deadlines coming up in very close succession!” This is gonna be my life for the next 2 months.

T___T

I think I’m gonna cry.