My new social theory
Thursday, July 14, 2005
The theory is this: Your outlook on others reflects your outlook on yourself and vice versa.
I’m sure this is actually out there already. It sounds to familiar to NOT be out there already. I guess it just became a more pertinent observation in the aftermath the encounter with Mr. “I’m-going-to-beat-my-girlfriend-in-public.”
After that incident, I was really jumpy, looking around everywhere when I walked alone at night. I suspected every person of being an attacker, waiting for me not to pay attention. The more I suspected other people, the more afraid I became. I felt like collapsing in on myself (if that makes any sense). I began to watch out for weaknesses that could be detected by the way I walked, the confidence I projected or even the things I carried. I also noticed other people’s weaknesses. I saw opportunities for robbing and pick-pocketing people, and generally noted when people were vulnerable or not paying attention. I became distrustful because if *I* thought about these things, how much more so would someone who is really looking for such an opportunity?
Anyway, I’m trying to strike a nice balance where I’m not naively trusting everyone and at the same time not suspecting everyone (including the old granny with the walker passing by) of some evil ulterior motive. That will hopefully keep me alive in New York without making me hard like the coconut referred to in a previous post.
When I was in Athens, Greece for 6 weeks, my friends and I played a game where we’d see if we could pick-pocket each other. It was actually really fun and it kept us aware of our stuff so that we didn’t actually get picked.
The least amount of apparent confidence and a reasonable amount of awareness is going to be enough to send potential thieves to another less suspecting victim. The average street criminal is lazy; he’s not going to take chances.
He’ll look for the idiot who leaves her bag on the seat next to her while she dozes in the subway, not the one who loops her arm through the handle and holds it in her lap!
Your insight holds in other areas, too - the more you are willing to let others be funny or smart or beautiful will help you feel the same way when interacting with them.
Posted by laura on 07/15 at 08:15 AMI think this is all true. Just look at how paranoid we as Americans are after 9/11. What kind of society pulls grandmothers or 4 year old girls from a line to frisk them in case they might be wanting to deal a “painful vengence on the infidels”. I can say from my experince visiting NY a month ago that I was pleasantly surprised at how safe I felt. Coming in from “near” LA, I thought that NY was a crazy mafia loaded town. After all, that’s what the movies taught me. Still, NY was wonderfully safe to me.
I’m not saying just be ignorant about your surroundings, after all that invites trouble. But what Kat says is very true that your outlook on life or the image that you project on others is exactly what you will see, whether it is true or not. Be aware and prepared at the same time. AND HAVE FUN!! Don’t let the crazy people ruin your life!! That’s the governments job. Or are they the same people? Hmm. . .
Posted by on 07/15 at 07:58 PMOh, Kat, you’re SO on your way to becoming a thug! <sniffle> When I think that just a few years ago, you were burning me Tupac cd’s…
I learned this lesson in an entirely different context. I disliked myself intensely, and yet wanted to be compassionate and loving to other people. It doesn’t work. I know this post was about influencing how people perceive you, but going the other way, how you perceive yourself very much affects how you perceive the people and conditions around you. In your case, I’d aim for “resilient,” not “invicible.”
Posted by on 07/22 at 05:46 AM