Relationship Hemorrhoids
Thursday, October 05, 2006
This entry may be a bit graphic, so prepare your minds for my new analogy on relationships!
HEMORRHOIDS: (hem·or·rhoid)
Pronunciation: ‘hem-"roid, ‘he-m&-
Function: noun
Definition: a mass of dilated veins in swollen tissue at the margin of the anus or nearby within the rectum—usually used in plural; called also piles
So what do relationships and hemorrhoids have in common anyway? Ah, you’re about to be sorry you asked. The uncomfortable condition mentioned above happens for several reasons:
1. Genetic predisposition (weak rectal vein walls and/or valves)
2. Excessive time (over 1 minute daily) and straining during bowel movements
3. Chronic bowel straining or pressure due to poor posture or muscle tone
According to health-cares.net, “Constipation, bouts of diarrhea, poor bathroom habits (reading on the toilet or multiple cleaning attempts), pregnancy, and fiber-deprived Western diet can all foster the conditions that cause hemorrhoids.”
Mostly i would like to focus on number 2 - Excessive time on the toilet. Maybe you just found a good article in the New York Times, or maybe you were deep in concentration over other things, but in the end you found yourself dilly dallying for no real reason.
Ah ha! And therein lies the crux of this post!
I’m talking about relationships where two people date for an eternity and *still* have no idea if they want to get married or not. And then there are the others who break up and get back together (repeat x27) and can’t seem to either like each other enough to stay together or hate each other enough to break up. To these couples, i’d like to use the old adage, (and those with sensitive eyes should avert them now) “Sh** or get off the pot.” Another way to put it is, “Fish or cut bait.” Or “Do or do not; there is no try.” These sayings are basically pointing out that there is no in between stage where you can settle in and get comfortable for a long time without some nasty side-effects.
You stick around for a long time and strain to stay together, dilly dally and take your time making a decision on whether you want to be together or not, or together or not,....OR together or not. You get the idea. And the result? Bad things popping out where they shouldn’t be. Things that wouldn’t have been problems had the relationship taken a more truncated timeline.
So what’s the solution? Can i get a little Preparation-H up in here?!? Relationship hemorrhoids need Relationship Preparation-H to numb the fear of changing a situation that you’ve grown so accustomed to that you don’t know what you’d do otherwise. You can’t fear change if you’re going to cure your relationship hemorrhoids! So do it or get off that pot! Grab the Preparation-H, and let’s begin making healthy decisions for our relationships!
buahahahahahaha!!!!
Posted by laura on 10/06 at 07:18 AMIs this Relationship Preparation-H formulary or non-formulary? Can I just put it in the Progress Notes section, or do I REALLY have to place an order for it in Order Entry?
Thanks for the clarification.
--me
Posted by on 10/06 at 12:29 PMinteresting ANALogy haha kat you want my opinion on this subject talk to me. men think totally different on this matter.
Posted by on 10/06 at 07:30 PMand they think Dr. Phil has the answers.
Posted by on 10/08 at 06:21 PMHmm, maybe you could say that this or that couple has “a constipated relationship”?
Posted by Ramone on 10/27 at 10:39 PM