What You're Worth
Thursday, February 07, 2008
If someone were to ask my what my biggest struggle in life is, I’d have to say it’s the issue of self-worth.
Self-worth is so essential and yet most of us, if not all of us, seem to struggle with it on some level. Some of us struggle more than others. And sometimes it’s only about very specific things. Most of the weird negative social behaviors stem from lack of self-worth and people searching for some kind of validation.
Recently I was struggling with this issue again. It always turns up when I don’t even notice it. It sneaks into my language (ex. always apologizing for things that don’t need to be apologized for), my self-deprecating humor and even my actions (ex. not taking the “nice chair” because someone else should get the better chair). My friend Lennox, ever the observant caller-outer of such things, did just that. He called me out.
“Why do you feel like you’re not worth it?” he asked.
It’s funny--sometimes you think you have everyone fooled. That no one can see that you don’t fully like yourself. Or like yourself at all. But it comes out. People can feel it, even those who are not particularly observant. And when someone calls you out, you end up feeling a little bit like you were caught with your drawers down. But he didn’t just ask the question. He told me a story about his own epiphany about self-worth. And it’s based in real estate.
What is a house worth? If we add up the materials that it’s made of, that’s one thing. Concrete, wood, nails, wiring, piping, insulating, etc. But that’s not the *worth* of the house. A house is worth whatever anyone is willing to pay for it. For example, if I wanted to have a 2 bedroom house in Montana or Nebraska, let’s say it goes for 120K. BUT if you move that same house, made of exactly the same building materials, to Beverly Hills or Manhattan, suddenly the price skyrockets to a couple million! How does that happen? It’s because someone thinks it’s worth it to pay that much to live in Manhattan.
So what does that have to do with me? Or is the analogy way too obvious already?
Am I worth something because of what I’m made of? Or how good I am at this or that? Or is worth given by how much someone is willing to pay for me? Jesus paid his whole life for me. And if Jesus paid for me with His life, then I must be worth a LOT. I know I’ve heard that a lot before, but I don’t think it ever made it from my brain to my heart. I think I get it now. I’m worth it to Him.
So it’s time for me to *believe* that value and move on, stop trying to haggle down the price for me. It’s something I want so much to believe. So this is the beginning of new things. And hey, it’s Chinese New Year! Gong hay fat choy! And happy new beginnings!
Thanks Lennox.
Hmm. . . I wonder if this is genetic. ;) I seem to struggle with the same thing over and over, also! Again, it comes into self-depreciating humor or saying negative things about myself. Even if I don’t really mean it, it just comes out. One of the things that I’ve learned through several success programs (which still haven’t sunk in yet) is that to really move yourself forward in life, you must have a firm belief in your own self worth. Take your example of the chair. Why shouldn’t you sit in the nice chair? Don’t you think you deserve it? Does it seem to aggressive? Wealth teachers, not just monetary wealth, say that you must believe that you “deserve” the good things in life. God, after all, wants us all to have the good. . . no GREAT things in life, right? Why shouldn’t we deserve the best that God provides and offers? It’s almost like taking a friend to an expensive restaurant, only to be sitting there and your friend insisting on only having water when everything is paid for by you! Accept was has been given! ;)
Posted by on 02/07 at 11:46 PMHi Kat,
God is awesome, and I’m always blessed whenever you share. Thank you for opening up & sharing your wonderful heart.
Remember that song, “There is none like You”? We sing it to God, but did you know that He sings it to you?
“There is none like you
No one else can touch My heart like you do
I could search for all eternity long
And find there is none like you.”I hope one or two of these pictures will bless you in some way today.
http://art-for-jesus.blogspot.com/2006/02/matter_21.html
http://art-for-jesus.blogspot.com/2006/04/no-one-like-you-1.html
http://art-for-jesus.blogspot.com/2006/09/no-one-like-you-2.html
http://art-for-jesus.blogspot.com/2006/03/sight-of-god.html
http://art-for-jesus.blogspot.com/2007/06/one-who-seeks-my-face.htmlBlessings in His love!
RamonePosted by Ramone on 02/08 at 08:19 AMP.S. Say hi to Scott Arany—he mentions Lennox once in awhile. Who needs SIX degrees of separation anyway? Ha!
P.P.S. Maybe you’ll like Zephaniah 3:17 today.
Posted by Ramone on 02/08 at 08:20 AMYou’re always, most definitely, worth it. ‘It’ being whatever it is you desire and need. I hope you believe it more and more each day.
P.S.
Speaking of low self-esteem-like-feelings, have you ever watched What Not to Wear on TLC? MAN, there are some dreary, sad folks on there. Not to sound cliche, but it really is inspiring, watching them get made-over outside, and in. A lot of sad tears in the beginning of the show, and a lot of happy ones after.=)
Posted by on 02/08 at 11:49 AMPerhaps we’re too obsessed with self worth as a society. Unfortunately, we’re taught that in order to get what we want in life, we need to place ourselves first and represent ourselves as being worthy. Ideally, our self worth should not be based on what we do, or what we have, or what others think of us, but rather on how God views us and loves us. That’s a self worth that is never subject to change.
Posted by on 02/10 at 08:10 AMAmen!
!
Posted by Ramone on 02/10 at 08:54 AMYou know, I never found the “God loves me” thing that helpful. I’m grateful for that care, of course, but God’s God! That doesn’t mean that I or any other human are going to be able see me through those love-filled eyes.
I agree with Ken that having doubts about your worth is probably something you get from your family, probably both nature and nurture. There are people out there who think they are really great, who have full confidence in the contribution they’re making to the world. I’m happy for them - I think they might be spared stress-related heart disease later on - but that will never be me. It’s just not part of the human package that I am. What makes me think that I have a role to play in this world are these:
1. I exist, and the reason I exist is that God wanted me to. I agree that it’s pretty cool that Jesus died for me, but he died for everyone. On the other hand, not every personality that could have been born was born, but I’m here! So that’s cool.
2. I’ve witnessed that I’ve been able to make other people feel loved and happy, and I understand that that’s a privilege and a gift. Jesus said, “Love God and love your neighbor.” The fact that humans can make each other feel valuable, and that God expects it of us, is pretty amazing to me.
3. If I’m really down, I remind myself that I will never be able to help anyone else as long as I dislike myself. It just doesn’t work. Whatever area you think you’re deficient in, someone else is more deficient and you can’t encourage that person (and follow God’s command) if you are tearing yourself down and taking them down with you. Furthermore, hating yourself shows a lack of appreciation for the gift of your existence and your God-given ability to love.
4. If none of the above work, I go for a run and try to get a good night’s sleep. Usually, it’s just a glitch in my brain or a particularly stressful circumstance that doesn’t last forever.Good luck, Kathy Khoo. You’re one of many, many very special people in this world.
Posted by on 02/10 at 11:05 AMOh about the special chair, ideally you’d leave it for someone else because you’re a Christian and want to give the best to others, not because you hate yourself. I wonder though if we don’t take shortcuts to humility and just give up the chair because we don’t want to appear greedy. Ah well, as long as everyone has a decent place to sit, whatever gets you through the day works, I guess.
Posted by on 02/10 at 11:13 AMKat & Kirsten, read Psalm 139.
God knows and loves *you* and specifically you. Not only did He die for you, but He also loved you into existence. Everything was created from His love, including you. And though His love is vast and beyond measure, He invites you to personally “come in” and search it out (Eph.3). Just like each of us longs to know and have others know our hearts, in the same way the infinite God longs for us to personally know Him and love Him for His heart. God didn’t want to just live next to you or in the same house, but He wanted to live *inside* of you.
Soak in God’s love as you see the love that you, your brother & his wife have for their wonderful baby boy. God feels the same way about you not because of what you can do (what can Joshua do now?) or because of who you are going to become, but because you are His own, His daughter, His beloved baby girl. Daddy’s little girl.
Blessings in His love.
Posted by Ramone on 02/11 at 12:36 AMSorry for so many comments, but I thought I’d share a picture—“Daddy’s Little Girl”
http://art-for-jesus.blogspot.com/2008/02/daddys-little-girl.html
Hope to do a color version someday!
Blessings in His love!
Posted by Ramone on 02/11 at 08:49 AMI don’t think any of us who have have written above have doubts that we have intrinsic worth because of God. I think the issues is more of an emotional nature. How do I *feel* that? How do I allow that to influence my own perception of self? This is, of course, no new information. We have all grown up with these idea being taught to us from an early age. But when and how do you begin to own it for yourself?
There’s the rub. And sometimes it takes a good analogy to remember to *feel* like you’re worth it.
Posted by on 02/11 at 12:35 PMI just thought of something…
One thing you can do is to see who you are in Jesus. Like take the first and second chapters of Ephesians and find your identity in Him.
E.g. -- “I am loved by God from the foundation of the world”
- “I am raised up and seated with Him in heavenly places”
- “Because of His great love for me, I am made alive in Him even though I was dead in sin”
- “I am saved by His grace through faith”
- “He has lavished His love and grace on me”
And pray to truly *understand* these things, pray for faith to believe then.
And if they still feel too unreal, get in front of a mirror, look at yourself and speak them. Don’t just think them, but *speak* them. If you feel silly and stupid (like I did!), that’s a good sign. It means unbelief is running up against truth—it forces our shyness about what He says out into the open.
And then you can pray, “God, I feel silly, but I choose to believe this because You said it, and even though I don’t feel it, I choose to believe it.”
And then speak His truth again as you look at yourself. He will begin to show you what you are worth to Him as you see yourself and speak His words about you.
Posted by Ramone on 02/16 at 01:53 AM