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Experiment 2: Strengths Finder 2.0
Ever feel like you've failed?
Monday, December 06, 2004
I’m not talking about failing a course in school or you not doing your chores on time; I’m talking about in a grander-scheme-of-things sense.
I’ve been dealing with the reality of beggars in the streets and on the subways, constantly droning, “Excuse me ladies and gentlement, i’m ____ and i need money....” or “Have you got a dime?” I’ve had this bargain with God that if he *really* wants me to give money or help someone, he’ll give me a prompt and a way to help. I’ve been smugly sitting on the trains, pretty much ignoring every pan-handler that has passed by me because, “Hey man, didn’t get a prompt from God.”
But a couple of days ago, at my station, there was a larger white woman surrounded by luggage and crying into her hands. I felt the pull to go talk to her. But I was afraid. Of what, i don’t know. But i just didn’t want to. There were three rowdy girls behind me and i didn’t want to be in there way. What a great excuse, huh? So i looked at the crying woman, and walked past slowly. The twinge of guilt that was already starting to prick my conscience became a stab of guilt as the three gilrs behind me addressed the woman. “Are you oKAAAAY?” they asked abruptly. I don’t even know what the answer was, but it stuck with me that they asked and i hadn’t.
Yeah, that’s when i felt like i failed. Thankfully, God isn’t the kind who keeps track and tallies up your score for the end of life. He’s not the kind whose opinion of you depends on your every move, like his love for you is always in the balance. I feel horrible about passing up an opportunity he prompted me to take, but I’m thankful that where i fail, others fill in. And when i mess up, God never stops loving me. 