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Experiment 2: Strengths Finder 2.0
Woman vs. Roach: A New York Story
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Prepare thyself, gentle readers! For this post is not for the weak of heart!
I was just about to take my shower, when i pulled back the shower curtain, and THERE IT WAS, lying in wait for me!! (Psycho theme playing)
I stifled a scream, and all i could feel was intense nauseau as IT wiggled it’s antennas at me. (shudder) A ROACH!!!!
Not knowing what to do, i darted behind the curtain and took a minute to observe my enemy. Glossy and huge, the insect obviously knew no fear. Instead of scuttling away to the depths of hell from wence it came, it glared and me, yea it even took several steps TOWARD ME! Sensation returned to my fingers and my legs were once again able to move. (chase music ensues!) I ran to the shoe rack and found my weapon of choice: chunky healed Steve Madden loafers. Madden has always been good to me, and now he would serve me well!
I crept back to the bathroom, weapon in hand. Had he fled? NO. There he was, brazen as ever, holding his ground in the tub as if to say, “Come on, I DARE you to hit me with that shoe! I’ll survive! MWAHAHAHAHA!” My hand shaking, i put together my strategy. But before i could fully form my plans, he was crawling up the shower curtain to attack first! (LOTR orc horde attacking music)
In a panic i flipped the curtain away from me, sending the roach flying back into the tub. Before i had a chance to be afraid, I brought my mighty weapon down upon his doomed brow! THWACK! THWACK! THWACK! and an extra THWACK! for good measure!
(music transitions to triumphant swell)
There I stood, triumphant over the corpse of my fallen foe. I had conquered! Vanquished my enemy. And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...well, you get the idea. (The worst part was definitely cleaning up my fallen foe. Ew!)
...
If only that were the end of the saga. Since that time, we have seen yea unto SIX foul beasties. They have all met their untimely demise whether it be by the Mighty Heel of Madden or by the vacuum cleaner, which hath no great appellation. And the exterminator seems to have something against us and manages to sneak in and out of the building while we wait for his visit.
AND SO THE WAR WAGES ON! DEATH UNTO MURDEROUS COCKROACH SPAWN FROM HELL!
Click on the image to behold, if you dare, the body of one of the slain foe (with nickel next to it for scale). Not as big as the one that was told of in the stories of yore (above), but gruesome nonetheless!