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Experiment 2: Strengths Finder 2.0
Why does success feel like pain?
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I’m doing well at work, according to a review from my managers, but i’m not sure that it’s exactly a reward.
I’ve been debating for awhile on what to be at work: do i want to be a tier 1 employee? One that the managers go to when they’re in a bind? The one they call on when there’s a task that needs to be done and done right? The one that is trusted and publicly called out as being the “good one?”
Well, on one hand, the over-achiever in me says, “of course!” On the other hand, we have to take into consideration the reward for being the tier 1 trainer. In our team, tier 1 refers to those who are the favorites, who are considered superior to the others and who happen to get along well personally with those in higher positions. Tier 2 means that you’re doing your job fine and that’s about it. Tier 3 means you show up because HR says you’re an employee, and the managers have to accept that fact.
So what’s the reward for being tier 1? The reward is, ironically, more work. And our 2-year contract says in concrete that there’s no room for advancement. We can’t look for other jobs within the organization and there are no promotions or salary increases. That’s what makes me pause. So i want to do better so i can get more work? Hmmmmm...In addition to that, I’ve taken on a lot of freelance work this year. And they’ve been all over the board - video editing and DVD production, photoshoots, and wedding invitations.
So here i am now. In the past half year, i’ve been coasting at the top of tier 2, willingly staying there to avoid getting further into this than i was ready for. But now i’ve somehow bumped up to perhaps the bottom of tier 1. And i’m feeling it. It’s not even that i’m teaching so many classes. It’s just more than i’m used to and they’re all in the MORNING! I’ve been waking up at 5:30 am to get ready, commute, prep for class and then teach for 4 hours straight. If you know me, you know that i am NOT a morning person. I’m like an ugly bear when someone wakes me up anytime before 8 am. GRRRRRRRRR! You gotta pray for my students!
Now, thanks to some form of success at work, I’m sitting here at 11 pm, which is not usually very late for me, but my eyes are burning, i’m sleepy beyond belief and my brain is refusing to function properly. I think I’ve even seen the sun rise a couple times since starting this job. *That* is totally uncalled for.
The result is i’m *still* contemplating being in tier 1. Do i really want it? Can i get out of it if i change my mind? Oh what to do…
I just hope my eyes stop watering and burning soon.